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Encouragement (Page 15)

DEALING WITH THE PAIN -- 15

Encouragement for fair and reasonable parents--
and for those who aspire to be

The misbehaviors of our children do not necessarily indicate that we are failures as parents. Our worth as parents does not hinge on the choices of our children.
We remember that God raised Adam and Eve, and both made bad choices.
Other influences are competing against us for the health and well-being of our children. These influences can include peer pressure, pleasure pressure (the intense desire for euphoria), TV, movies, music, and certain celebrities, among others.
Our children are free moral agents, and they can make their choices independently of our moral standards, just as Adam and Eve chose to ignore God. And that may explain what's happening.
Like God, we must maintain our balance of being understanding and compassionate while demanding respect from our children. We deserve respect. We are the ones who are trying to save our children from damaging themselves morally, spiritually, emotionally, socially, and physically.
Our children absolutely must learn to respond appropriately to authority, or they will be ill-prepared to face the real world when we parents are replaced by employers, driver's licensing officials, insurers, credit managers, university officials, apprenticeship officials, the Better Business Bureau officials, military officials, police officers, and government agency personnel. We must hold our positions for the sake of our children's futures.
Just as God has never backed off and compromised His values, we should never back off and compromise ours. This faithfulness will keep our children in touch with where to return. We should never compromise ourselves into root rot. Our children desperately need wholesome roots to look back to. So long as our root system is healthy and strong, our kids have something to be tethered to while they explore wrong. If we develop root rot by compromising our own integrity, it severs their tethers.
And yet, we can never forget that we are responsible before God's authority to be fair and reasonable in disciplining our children, to set a proper example before them. Like Christ, we will seek to do the healing things for our children and not discipline them out of avenging hostility.
If we are seeking to heal our children, we are decent parents.

Copyright 1989 by R. A. "Buddy" Scott • Allon Publishing • www.buddyscott.com

But what about those parents who have been doing wrong?

There are more problem parents now than ever before because traditional moral values have been and are being desecrated. The "new morality's" children are now parents. The children of yesterday's drug abusers are now parents. I am not blind to those issues. The following example illustrates what I've recommended in such cases.
Some time ago, a frustrated father contacted me about his daughter's promiscuity. During our visits, the fact surfaced that the father was living with a woman who was not his wife. I asked this father to join with his daughter in a remake, to say to her...
Sweetheart, as you know, I haven't been living like I should, either. Your trouble has reminded me of my own problems. I, also, need to make a




Other topics in this chapter include...

Abused parents are more numerous than you would like to believe.
Abused parents can reduce the pain by dealing with intimidation.
Parents can deal with intimidation in four ways.
But what about the parents who have been doing wrong?
(How they can reassume their role as effective parents.)
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